Knots Are Evil, Evil Things
by Joanie Dark
Summary: Eusine thinks that rope seems like a great way to spice up a relationship.  He is terribly, terribly wrong.


It was a typical Saturday morning. Morty was sitting at the table, drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper with mild boredom as Eusine was busying himself in the kitchen making breakfast. The Haunters were chasing each other around the breakfast nook like children as Gengar shook his head, reading his own paper beside his trainer. The other Pokemon were still sleeping in off in various corners of the house, with the exception of Sableye, who was already pulling on Eusine's coattails to beg for bacon. A typical, calm, crowded Saturday indeed.

Morty smiled and lowered his paper as Eusine walked into the room with a tray of food in hand.

"You know, I don't know _how_ I survive when you're not at home," he said appreciatively, taking off his readers and placing some of the food on his plate. Some of the sleeping Pokemon were starting to stir, roused by the smell of fresh food. Eusine chuckled, sitting at his spot across from his partner and sipping a glass of orange juice.

"You're a grown man. I'm sure you're quite capable of feeding yourself."

"But I'm nowhere near as good a cook as my wife."

"Good sir, you wound me," Eusine said dramatically, tossing bits of toast to the various monsters giving him pleading puppy eyes. Morty chuckled.

"But really, thank you. It's nice to be able to have this sort of scene in the morning."

"Do Falkner and Whitney not cook?" Eusine asked, and Morty shook his head.

"You know I never bother staying overnight," he said casually, as if the interesting nature of their relationship was the most normal in the world. In all honesty, it was for them; the two had been a couple for upwards of five years, and a good majority of it had been spent in an interesting cuckolding situation.

For all it was worth, however, the couple was otherwise quite vanilla. A fact that had, in fact, been bothering Eusine for a period of time.

"I was wondering, Morty," Eusine started slowly, "if by any chance...you had been active in any..._kinky_ sorts of activities lately with any of your lovers." Morty looked at him curiously in response.

"I tell you every detail of what I do, Eusine. You know as well as I do everything I've done between last time you left and when you came home." He took another sip of his coffee as Gengar nodded in agreement.

That Gengar. Always too smart for its own good.

Eusine fidgeted a bit. "So...I suppose you wouldn't have any experience with...anything along the lines of...rope, perhaps?"

Morty gave a little smirk of amusement.

"Of course you'd be asking something like that."

"What do you mean?" Eusine looked a tad concerned at the comment.

"Well, it seems like it's always your idea when we throw something in to 'spice it up' as the saying goes," Morty said, chuckling and taking a bite of toast. "It has, if I remember correctly, always turned out badly, as well."

"Not all the time!"

"Mm, true. I suppose the sex was better after you told me to go run off with my colleagues." He chuckled, shaking his head. "But really. That's all a psychological thing. A lot more can go wrong with physical kinks."

"I suppose it's true, but I was looking in a magazine and-"

"Eusine. Handcuff incident."

"...Ropes don't have keys to lose."

"Or be eaten by a Mismagius."

"Why _did_ he even eat the keys in the first place? I mean..."

"That's entirely beside the point, Eusine. I was stuck to the headboard for a good five hours."

"Well, fine. So that one time, my suggestion didn't work."

"Also remember the problems with the riding crop, the sensory deprivation, the St. Andrews' cross..."

"I did _not_ know it was made of balsa wood. I apologized for that profusely already."

"All I'm saying is that this may not exactly be the best idea, hon," he said, putting his glasses back on and turning back to the paper. Eusine huffed, going off to the corner with his Electrode. He wrapped his arms around the large sphere and stared at the ghost trainer.

"You hear that, Leclec? Uncle Morty doesn't love your daddy."

"Stop it, Eusine..."

"Maybe me and you and Haunter and Drowzee should go home to Celadon and never come back here again..."

"Oh, quit it..."

"After all, I give and give and all he does is take..."

"Shush or I'll have Gengar slap you."

Gengar looked up with an angry glower, then continued reading his stock reports.

"...Uncle Morty's just sad they never taught him to tie knots in Girl Scouts."

"Oh, shut up," Morty groaned, getting up from his seat and walking over to Eusine. "We'll try it if you're so sure it's going to work out. And only if I'm _not_ the victim of it all going wrong today."

Eusine instantly brightened up.

"I already have the ropes in the bedroom," he said, trotting off down a hallway.

Morty sighed, pulling off his scarf. This was going to be interesting.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~

"Ow ow ow _ow!_ For goodness sake, that's far too tight!"

Eusine's hurt expression was matched by the dull, mildly annoyed look on Morty's face.

"You deserve it for calling me a girlscout," he muttered, attempting to loosen the knots around Eusine's chest. The entire thing unravelled to reward his efforts. "Great..."

"Are you really sure you're doing it right?" Eusine said, pulling at the knots on his arms and making a displeased face. "They don't look like the pictures in the magazine at all."

"Forgive me if I don't know how to tie shibari," Morty replied blandly, redoing the frayed knots impatiently.

"Come on, those ropes aren't symmetrical in the least," Eusine complained. Morty simply rolled his eyes.

"Oh, yes, because symmetry is really what matters here."

"Of course! There's an _art_ to the thing."

"I will probably never get the 'art' this stuff has for you," Morty grumbled as another knot fell apart in his fingers. "Give me good, old fashioned sex any day..."

"But that can be so dull after a while, and-"

Suddenly, Eusine froze, looking around with a combination of confusion and paranoia.

"What is it?" Morty asked, trying to see what Eusine was looking for. Not seeing anything, he shrugged and went back to reattempting his knots.

"Wait, stop. Something feels off."

The two of them paused, slowly looking towards the door, only to see a pair of purple faces peering in and giggling in their strange, ghostly way.

"Get _out_ of here, you two!" Morty snapped, throwing a pillow at the door as the Haunters flew away laughing.

Gengar walked by, looking at the fleeing ghosts curiously, then looked in and shook his head before walking off.

"...Morty?"

"Yes?"

"_Did your Gengar have a pipe?_"

"I do believe he did."

"And a fedora?"

"A trilby, if I'm not mistaken."

There was a long pause.

"This isn't happening at all, is it."

"I don't think so." Morty shook his head, raising his eyebrows apologetically.

Eusine sighed and sat up, all of the rope coming untied as he did so. Morty cursed under his breath.

"Well, it was an idea at least," Eusine sighed.

"How did this even come off," Morty said grimly, holding up a still-tied rope in exactly the shape of Eusine's arms. His bewilderment was cut short by a pair of arms around his waist.

"Let's just clean this up, start our day, and maybe have some predictable, non-problem-riddled time together tonight, perhaps?" he asked. Morty smiled and chuckled.

"Now that is probably a better idea."


End file.
